Company

Brianna is gone :-( We reconnected on many levels and formed new connections: coffee presses, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and kittens. Our differences were also highlighted. Shopping in antique malls was amusing, because inevitably if I went "ooohhhh" she went "ewwwww," and vis versa. The first night, we stayed at a faux-British inn called "The Cheshire." Little doormen in red coats opened the doors for us. I found this disconcerting. Brianna said this was "as it should be."

Driving home from St. Louis after dropping her off, I noticed an SUV driving next to me. I looked over to see what the problem was, and the (ugly) man in the vehicle waved at me with THAT LEERING LOOK. All young women know of what I am speaking. I conjured up the most hateful face I could and mouthed the most awful obscenity I could think of. Yes, it was THAT word. I use it quite alot when I am driving, along with "moron." I then sped up to 80 and switched 3 lanes. To my surprise, the man looked quite CHAGRINED. Did he expect me to blow him a kiss or something?

A Fine Romance?

On the drive home today, the Papa John's Pizza Trivia Question was "72% of people prefer a romantic partner to one who does all of these." The answer was "chores." So I was RIGHT. At least 72% of people are COMPLETELY INCOMPREHENSIBLE. Or at least will sacrifice tangible benefits for things that I find puke-worthy. We're talking flowers and diamonds and "honey" and "darling" and little kissy noises, right? Forgive my inner 7-year-old, but EWWWW.


I really don't like romantic anything: romantic gestures, romantic music, nationalism, the French Revolution, Napoleon, or romantic heroes. Give me rationalism and J.S. Bach any day. And people who do chores. People who do chores are awesome.




Don't worry, Mazzini, I still love you. Despite the coffee grounds all over our sink, you DID make me laugh, which is so much more important than roses.

While we're on the topic of romance, I'm surprised at how many women still wear diamonds. Not only are they boring, colorless, and common, but they also come from fairly dubious origins, no matter what your political persuasion. DeBeers and the African governments aren't terrribly upstanding from the perspective of socialism OR capitalism.

Statements

I'm clutzy

Yes, you knew that already. I am a typical INTJ in my low body awareness. Today alone I have:

1) Injured my hand on the weight machine.
2) Dropped a pan of lasagna in the bottom of my stove (I then scraped the lasagna up and ate it).
3) Dropped the lid to my deodorant in the toilet.

Tiberius is . . . AMAZING

Tibers is a well-behaved kitten -- I don't think I will even have to declaw him. Now that all the nastiness from being at the cattery is clearing up, he's also quite handsome and playful. I realized that I've inadvertently named both of my cats after Roman emperors. Tiberius Caesar, naturally, and Julio's name is derived from Julius. Now I just need Augustus, Nero, and Caligula ("Little Boots" -- isn't that a perfect name for a cat?!!). A dynasty of cats. I think most of the American presidential candidates are dog-like. I can see McCain peeing on a fire hydrant. And Giuliani...well, never mind. Hillary is maybe a really evil Siamese.

People are confusing

Who buys Vera Bradley bags? Evidently the sorority girls here do. Why would anyone join a sorority? Why would you pay money for what looks like something your blind grandmother cobbled together from bedroom curtain material she bought in 1991?

I am currently obsessed with the Myers-Briggs Personality Test

You should all take it on Facebook (My Personality). I think it's accurate. I've always been an INTJ -- or the scientist/mastermind/arrogant bastard personality type. My brother is too. Mother is also an NT, or a rational. Finding traditional pursuits dull, we used to sit in a circle and bend spoons with the force of our wills. I think I don't get along with Guardians, so if you're a Guardian, sorry, our friendship will have to end.

Odds and Ends

Driving

You must think driving's a big part of my life and, well, it is. I spend approximately 1/24 of my day in the car. This could be reduced to 1/48 and made much more pleasant for me if there were more zippy drivers on the road. I don't consider myself an aggressive driver. Well, verbally maybe. But that doesn't count. Boston and Chicago frighten me. Everyone here, though, drives like they're in their 80s, even if they're not. When they come up to a turn lane, they begin slowing down half a mile before they need to stop. When they get to the turn lane, they proceed to stop 20 feet behind the car in front of them and gradually inch forward to 10 feet, where they stop. Does everyone in Cape have a depth perception problem??

And you know what this is?? It's not being laid back. It's being SELFISH. It is EGOCENTRIC to take up 30 feet of a turn lane when there are 20 cars behind you trying to crowd in and stopping traffic in the straight lanes. I am morally ambivalent about a lot of things, but there is a RIGHT and a WRONG way to drive, and driving BELOW THE SPEED LIMIT, TAKING A LONG TIME TO TURN, and most especially TAKING UP A LOT OF ROOM IN A TURN LANE are IMMORAL. I am starting my own organization: Michaela Against Dumb Driving.

Christmas

And something else. CHRISTMAS. I used to like Christmas when I was a child. It was a greatly-anticipated season in Puerto Rico because it heralded the arrival of cooler weather. But what sort of internal dialog prompts us celebrate the winter solstice up here?

"Hooray! Our autumn crops are rotting!"

"Look! We humans are too asinine to hibernate! Ha ha ha ha ha."

"Let's make our winter energy bills HIGHER with millions of unnecessary lights. We might inadvertently melt the ice under Santa's workshop while we're at it."

"Everyone's upset because there are only 8 hours of sunlight. Let's all go shopping AT ONCE to increase our debts and spread disease."

"I'm not getting much exercise this month. Maybe I should triple my empty calorie intake and wear shiny clothes."

Don't worry. I'm still giving presents. Just no blow-up plastic biker Santas, no matter where they are on your list.

Tiberius

I've got a new kitty named Tiberius. I think he's going to be long and lean and slinky. Julio's still the family beauty, and he knows it. But the boys are getting along better today; Julio's ceased his histrionics. Tiberius has decided he likes Julio's food, and Julio likes Tiber's. This will have the unfortunate effect of making Julio fatter and Tibers skinnier. So I've made a box with a hole in it that only Tibers can fit through and put his food bowl in it. He refuses to go inside when the lid is closed. Julio keeps getting his head stuck in the opening. Oh well, if they weren't contrary, I might suspect they were dogs.

It's Me Again, or, a Lament for the City

Hello again, blogosphere. I know; you nearly gave me up for dead. You think I've been lured away by Facebook, and that's partly true. But life is just different for a working woman.

Suddenly, I can't say whatever leaps to mind about work, which is where I spend eight or more hours of my day. I have to be *gasp* discrete. If you know me, you will find that impossibly funny.

I'm enjoying certain things about Missouri. Like renting my own house where no one can bother me unless I want them to. I can close the shades and belt out Gilbert and Sullivan stark naked...as a purely hypothetical example. I'm in a serious relationship with a meltingly handsome, if slightly overweight, gentleman with a soft gray coat and long white whiskers. He doesn't like traveling much, but we share the same principles of domestic happiness.

Other things are more difficult. You would think that one part of the Midwest is much like another, and that I should adapt from Michigan to Missouri with relative ease. I thought I was immune to culture shock. I grew up in Puerto Rico. I summered in the northern wilderness. And then there was my college experience. Still, I've never lived two hours away from the Gap. In Puerto Rico, I may have mothered a flock of geese, worn a loin cloth, and subsisted on bananas, but San Juan was only an hour away. This summer, I was in a community with a bunch of other city people. And that's the shocker -- not the lack of the Gap, but the lack of an urban mindset.

I am repulsed by the mindless, mediocre traditionalism that dominates rural areas. I have affinity to both progressive liberals and ultra-conservatives. With anyone who is strange, basically, I can find some common ground. You want to legalize drugs? Great! You think daycare is not that far from Dachau? Me too! But people who have not rethought their political positions since the Kennedy administration? People who view the Christian Church in much the same way they view the Elks Lodge? We're going to have a hard time being buddies.

But I will stop griping now and go play Mozart. Because I have a piano now. And I play it at whatever hour I want. And I can burn incense and eat lentils and generally feel cosmopolitan and multicultural in my own house. And tomorrow I will get up and go to work and smile politely when someone says they need to find evidence to disprove global warming. Because that, at least, I've heard before.

Coincidence? You Decide.

The Slate article I posted on Facebook earlier today, about Barack Obama's patriotism, got me thinking about the pledge of allegiance. Which got me thinking about AWANA. Because I never had to say the pledge of allegiance anywhere else (except for about two days when I was seven and my mom got this deranged notion that we should salute a little flag before we started studying. We immediately sensed how silly this, like any traditional school ritual, looked in underwear. If you ever suspect something might be empty posturing, try doing it in your underwear. C.S. Lewis held up fine).

It has long struck me that AWANA shares certain uncanny similarities with communist youth movements. Compare this picture of the Young Pioneers with this picture of the uniform for elementary-age boys in AWANA. Red neckerchief? Check. Bland button-up shirt? Check. Actually, the Y.P.'s almost look elegant in comparison. For a really high-achieving AWANA-er with lots of medals and patches, we're almost talking Mussolinian levels of ridiculousness. The kicker? The 5 - 6 grade AWANA boys club is CALLED PIONEERS, TOO!!! It's like looking at the dollar bill and realizing -- OH MY GOSH! OUR COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED BY FREE MASONS WHO WERE DESCENDANTS OF THE NEPHALIM.

Now, I must say there were some fun things about AWANA. Like performing the pants off all the kids who went to school, and hence did not have several hours a day to memorize Bible verses. In addition to awards, we'd get "AWANA bucks" to spend on cheap Chinese toys. A lot of good all those Bible verses did me, you're thinking. Well, actually, you've got a point. I'm not sure competitive, rote memorization is the best way to inculcate religion. In addition to Bible verses -- and really, who can be against Bible verses? -- we had to memorize various AWANA-specific pledges and creeds. The only one I still remember is "I pledge allegiance to the AWANA flag, which stands for the AWANA clubs..." and this also disturbs me

One aspect I did NOT find particularly fun was "game time," meant to be the "bait" into the program, and also meant to inspire "good sportsmanship." I oppose all organized games. I think children develop important diplomatic, managerial, and creative skills by making up their own games, without adult intrusion. Little League baseball is cruel and my mother loved me too much to do that to me. Also we were hiding from the school system.

Join us against next time for...deconstructing your evangelical heritage.

Pictures of New House

My new piano -- the lighting was bright, but my camera doesn't seem to want to take good pictures except in daylight anymore.

My tiny house...



Another picture of the house

First Month

First purchase with first paycheck: Wurlitzer piano coming Monday.

Julio's calmed down, and continues to enjoy a small, soft world. My neighbor saw him for the first time today and told him "you MUST give me your diet."


I've been cooking, with mixed results. My first pizza was beautiful, but I think the spinach gave me samonella.


First things first -- excursion to Crown Valley winery.



Being head of household entails some unpleasant duties, like weed eating (or, more accurately, making uneven swaths of brown in the grass). Next time perhaps I'll wear long pants and forgo the grass leggings look (it was dark by the time I took a picture, so it's not really showing up). My sun glasses/safety glasses were also not working given the time of day.


Pictures of the house coming someday.

Trabajar y Jugar

It has been a long week -- my classes started all at once, and I've been teaching at least one a day. Yesterday I was on the reference desk at both 8:00 in the morning and 9:00 at night. I'm trying very hard to understand the distinction between tenured and non-tenured faculty, comp time vs. vacation time, and option A health insurance vs. option B. My main problem is convincing myself that it is important. My mental filters convert it into "blah, blah, blah, bzz, bzz, bzz." I also still find myself waiting for a grade. There are definite advantages to remembering very clearly what it was like to be a student, though. I don't have to feign sympathy with my clientèle.

But tomorrow is Friday, and all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Last weekend I went to some of the area wineries. There are about a dozen within an hour's drive, and some of them, like Crown Valley, are quite large. I like the smaller ones better because they are more hidden from the St. Louis vulgus, and one actually gets to taste and discuss the entire spectrum of wines in relative calm. Even Crown Valley had its benefits, though -- like the enormously long wine list and seven tokens for seven glasses. The roads were windy, and it was a very good thing I wasn't driving myself home (thanks, mom). Oh -- and the Ozarks are very pretty -- I think -- although that may be the wine talking.

In other words, YOU PEOPLE NOT JUST BRIANNA NEED TO COME VISIT ME SO WE CAN GET RIP-ROARING DRUNK ON WINE EXCEPT FOR ME OF COURSE BECAUSE I WILL DRIVE.

Happy Birthday Sarah!

Sarah intimidated me the first time I met her. We had been corresponding over email before college began, but when I met her she seemed so self-assured among the huddle of frightened rabbits. Nevertheless, she was the first person I knew at THC, and I was happy when we got the same kitchen shift. I soon learned that Sarah had a dry wit and mischievous sense of fun, which put me at ease. I also respected and understood her diligence and dedication to goals.


It would have been easy for us to drift apart sophomore year -- I began pursuing classical liberal arts and she government -- but Sarah is not one to let friendships go. She invited me to her house in PA sophomore year, and often gave patient ear to my moanings and groanings.

Junior year the stress in my life increased to nearly fatal levels, but I was lucky enough to have Sarah as an RA. Although we had a probable nymphomaniac in our wing, she maintained a quiet refuge of tea, chocolate, and deep philosophical conversations without being overbearing or moralistic. Ann and I would stop by her room on the way up to every meal, and we often startled others in the dining hall because of our peals of hysterical laughter.

The next year we all moved off campus. Sarah lived half an hour away from Ann and me, but we often braved the dirt road to go out to see her. To my great surprise, she once brought contraband booze to our house -- I think it was for my birthday -- which made us feel less guilty about the bottles of wine under our own beds. Although we only had a beer apiece, we shared the delicious rebellion of a Prohibition speakeasy.

Our last semester, Sarah moved to D.C. with Allis and Leeann. We drove out to see them every weekend we could. Very gracious people often make me feel nervous and indebted, but the Alexandria girls were so obviously happy to be with us that I never felt uncomfortable at their house.

Sarah still intimidates me sometimes -- as she expertly navigates the beltway in rush-hour while talking into her headset about things I don't even understand (and would be killed if I did). Someday, one of her lackeys may come knocking at my library door and demand my circulation records (which they won't get). But the fun Sarah complements the frighteningly-competent Sarah so that her friends both fear AND love her -- a Machiavellian anomaly.

Addendum: On the Parade

I was talking to one of the technical services ladies as I left work today. Evidently, they choose to have the parade on the main thoroughfare because "they've always done it that way."

This is incomprehensible to me.

I've heard there are three main kinds of cultures in the United States: traditional (south), moralistic (north-east), and individualistic (west).

Believe it or not, I CAN get on my moral high horse about some things . . . can't think of any examples right now, but it happens. Oh! Right. Medical marijuana. Don't think human suffering is nice, so am outraged by laws against. But I mainly relate to the individualistic strand -- hence owning my own weedeater, supporting Ron Paul, hating unions, etc. Dead set against traditionalism. Weird for a historian, I know. I guess I just don't glorify the past, and I don't like to see it idolized. Hence I don't own a table, and prefer to eat standing or sitting on the floor. Somehow or other I feel like I'm dealing a blow to traditional values at every meal.

I mean, some traditions are fun and harmless -- like trick-or-treating. But let's not cause traffic jams about them!

Parades, Meth Labs, and Gender Identity

Today, on my way home from work, I was sent on a detour because of a parade. Traffic was bad through the detour, and I was hungry, so I stopped and bought a Little Caesar's (cheese) pizza to tide me over. As I sat in the car glutonizing, I began to reflect: Why did they decide to have the parade on the main stretch of road that linked the primary businesses of the community with the primary residential areas? Why did they do this during rush hour? Why couldn't they have had the parade on the fair grounds? What is the primary purpose of roads? How did I manage to get lost? Which direction am I going?

I often seem to be confused. Example: The other day I saw a teenage boy sniffing shampoos at the store and immediately jumped to the conclusion that he was running a meth lab. Upon further reflection, I determined that shampoo is not an ingredient in meth (it's cough syrup, right?), and since he was bothering to smell it, he may just have been simply buying it . . . to wash his hair.

But evidently redneckery IS a real danger here. One doesn't walk off the trail into the woods, I am told, or one is likely to either get shot by a deer hunter or come upon a meth lab. While I was sitting in a waiting room the other day, I heard one office assistant tell another that her husband was in the hospital because a copperhead bit him in the garage. I keep my electric weedeater (which I bought, assembled, and operated yesterday all by myself) in the garage. Now I'm afraid to go get it.

Further questions: Am I now culturally male since I have my own weedeater? Does my fear of snakes negate this? Have you ever seriously considered the concept of male concubinage?

Do Women Read More Than Men?

NPR reports on an AP survey, which indicates that American women read little on average, but American men read less, particularly fiction.

I can believe the part about Americans (have you noticed how many times the "person on the street" will admit that the Da Vinci Code is the last book s/he's read?), but I don't see this gap among my friends. My brother reads nearly as much as I do, and probably a higher percentage of what he reads is fiction. I'm the history/philosophy reader. On Facebook, my guy-friends are not i-reading at a noticeably slower rate than the girls. Most men I know have read much more deeply in sci-fi and fantasy than I have. In my experience, literature degrees are fairly evenly divided between the sexes. It would be interesting to see statistics for that.

Of course, I'm not really friends with people who don't read. And while I'm accepting of sci-fi/fantasy-reading men (Geeks Are Hot), I'm less likely to be friends with women who read popular romance novels or religious fiction (Boo Establishment Thinkers). I also wonder if older men tend not to read fiction as much (unless they are literature professors like Dr. H). Maybe it's the American male's fear of being thought queer -- evidenced by their reluctance to wear pants that actually fit them or admit that they don't really like sports. This sort of machismo is declining as the last generations of absolutist patriarchs die off in the U.S. (Woohoo Women's Suffrage).

But are women really to be commended for reading bodice-rippers? We need to do a new, weighted survey based on complexity and uniqueness of what is being read. I suspect men wouldn't come out badly.

And THAT is my once-in-a-decade defense of men.

(p.s. -- I did notice the noun-verb disagreement in paragraph 6 of the article).

I'm a Broken Buckle in the Bible Belt; A Left Foot in the Heartland

It's hard to describe differences because there are so many surface similarities. We've got Subway and BP and Aldi, thank heavens.

But there are differences. Statistically, this part of Missouri is more married, MUCH less educated (69.3% of A2 citizens have a bachelor's or higher vs. 29.3% here), and slightly whiter and poorer than my part of Michigan. Unofficially, people also appear to be more patriotic, more enthusiastic about eating pig, and less enthusiastic about sprouted bread and veggie burgers.

Sure, it's hard not to wish occasionally that I were somewhere a little more single-feminist-vegetarian-snob-friendly, like New York, but realistically I think I'm better off here. Traffic, pollution, and close neighbors do not appeal to me. I've got a house where there is NO noise at night (apart from my own damn cat), an easy 20 minute drive to work, a free parking space at work, a state park nearby, and access to an academic library. The students are mostly smart and eager and, heh, if I can help them learn a thing or two about library catalogs and Google, I guess I've got a mission in life.