For Future Necessity...Dealing with Louts 101

There will come a point in every woman's life when she needs a strong yet concise response to an insensitive or forward male. Drawn-out analogies (oh my, did you swallow a garlic clove or is that your natural odor?)may be more subtle, but such rounders tend to stop paying attention after the first word.

Hence, in partial fulfillment of my calling as an information-provider, I offer the following list. I'm sure my intelligent readers are not unfamiliar with these terms, but unfortunately they may be stored in the far recesses, quite literally in the "back of the mind," when most needed.

I therefore suggest a daily, or at least weekly, refresher glance to keep these essential terms at the front of your minds. Ladies with endearing baby features like large eyes (i.e. Allis and Emily) should also practice icy glances in front the mirrors. Ladies with determined chins and gaits (i.e. Sarah and Ann), should utter these words very quietly or they may decimate unoffending male egos for miles around.

One final word. If the offender is unlikely to be familiar with these terms or is too much of a lamebrain to use a dictionary, go with the biggest and most obscure term. Confusion added to insult increases disphoria exponentially. If you are dealing with a smirking slimeball, precision should be valued over grandiloquence, so you do not open yourself up to ridicule.

And now, the list...(my favorites highlighted in red).

Particularly appropriate for the NASCAR sector of the population:

barbarian
bear
blockhead
boob
bumpkin
chuff
clod
clodhopper
clown
dimwit
dolt
galoot
hayseed
hick
hobnail
ignoramus
lamebrain
lubber
lumpkin
mucker
oaf
philistine
rube
rustic
simpleton
swain
vulgarian
yokel

Good for all-round general usage:

beast
bigot
boor
brute (and do roll those rrrrrrrs convincingly)
buffoon
cannibal
churl
hooligan
hun (probably not the term of choice unless the subject knows what a "hun" is. The really ignorant might mistake it for a term of endearment).
lout
monster
rascal
ruffian
troglodyte
vandal
wahoo
yahoo

For all the used car salesmen types out there:

bounder
creep
cur
curl
dog
heel
knave
louse
maggot
rake
rascal
rat
rogue (as with rake, use this term with discretion. Some men might consider it a compliment)
rotter
rounder
scoundrel
sleazeball
slimebucket
stinker
worm

(Words taken from thesaurus.reference.com. Catagories are my own).

Existo

Classes

In terms of absolute value, are getting worse. The mandatory classes have a strong dose of math cum computer science cum social science. In other words, I get to operate in the numerical realm I hate, with notation I've never seen, through fuzzy methods. But I do not think I am in actual danger of losing anything but my mind. Once again, I'm grateful for the mathematical knowledge that has been thrust upon me.

On the bright side, Books and Printing is a definite go. One of my textbooks is a glossy, coffee-table looking book with illustrations of illuminated manuscripts. Another is The Coming of the Book by Lucien Febvre and Henri-Jean Martin. It's surprisingly interesting. Perhaps the excerpt on farm implements we read in Historiography was boring by virtue of its subject rather than its authorshp. But they are socialists. Definite socialists. But who wasn't back then? I am getting more than my fair share of class participation in right now, since we've been talking about Martial's Epigrams, Augustine's Confessions, and other subjects with which I am at least passingly familair and most people, it appears, are not. We made an octavo on Tuesday, and I have to buy a caligraphy pen for Thursday.

Getting Away

I intend to go to California in May to see my beloved mustard-bottle-throwing Jezebel. There is also a chance I may be in D.C. in February for Alternative Spring Break. I aaccompanying someone I don't know for the talent show to raise money. Aren't I brave?

There is also the little matter of securing a summer internship. You see, poor unwitting I seems to be drawn to schools who have a great belief in Principles and Theory. In order to secure the less vainglorious but more demanded practical skills, we have to scavange for internships. Most of the ones here are unpaid. So, if you have a large library or information center near you that could use a theoretically-trained but practically-wanting grad student who will work for menial pay, then I will come and live with you this summer ("you" being defined as a likeable female who lives in a desirable location). Too good to be true, I know.

If you are a strange person who reads strangers' blogs, or a casual acquaintance, you may want to STOP READING HERE, because I am going to talk about my HEALTH, and even I find it boring. But not so boring that I won't bore my readers with it.

Remember that I haven't been able to straighten my left elbow for awhile? Well I am now in physical therapy and their voodoo has managed to straighten it by several degrees. Last time it made a big "pop" and my hand was numb for awhile. Evidently little pieces of scar tissue may have been restricting it. My occasional indulgences do not seem to have affected me adversely, as I have had no irrate calls from Dr. Mohammed about my blood test results. He did threaten to extract blood from my mother if she didn't make sure I had tests every six weeks, though. They don't really get along.

Oh! Some of the people around here have the most interesting names. One of my profs is named Dragomir--Drago for short, and the technical support head is named Vladmir--Vlad. Virtually a crypt of vampires!

Pessimism

"...there is not even any mandatory a priori knowledge necessary to function effectively as a librarian of any persuasion. Any intelligent college graduate can begin working in a special, public, or academic library and quickly learn the skills necessary to catalog, do reference work, manipulate overrated computer systems, or even administer."

Hauptman, R. (1987). The myth of the reference interview.

So why am I putting myself through two years of psychology and algorithms, poverty and toil? So that someday in the dim future I won't be passed up for a promotion.

Yes, I am feeling sorry for myself.

First Day of Classes

Brianna requires another post, but I find myself uncommonly tongue-tied. So I will talk about this coming semester. Which will be of interest only to long-suffering and empathetic friends. But that's OK.

Looking Forward To:

* Four University Musical Society events for which I have tickets: Lief Ove Andsnes and the Norwegian Chamber Orchestra, the Vienna Philharmonic (expensive, but worth it!), Chanticleer, and the Tallis Scholars.

*History of Books and Printing Seminar, taught by visiting Yale philologist Mark Burde: I attended the first class today, and it was a breath of fresh air after the drivel of social science that is my daily fare.


Not Looking Forward To:

* The last two foundations courses. Forget all the positive connotations you may have associated with the word "foundations."

* Purchasing the ridiculously expensive cognitive psychology and microeconomics textbooks required for one of said foundations courses. All my other professors have brilliantly skirted copy right law by assigning us exerpts of books and articles. But evidently psychology and microeconomics are such important topics that we need textbooks....

* At least three more months of coldness and darkness (our snow is melted...for now).

But would Paris like me?

You Belong in Paris

Stylish and a little sassy, you were meant for Paris. The art, the fashion, the wine, the men! Whether you're enjoying the cafe life or a beautiful park... You'll love living in the most chic place on earth.

What City Do You Belong In?

Library Trip...

They say in my classes that browsing is an inefficient way to find information. Perhaps. But I find it a remarkably efficient way to find interesting reading material.

My finds:

David Marc. Bonfire of the Humanities. (This is the only one I've started. Seems to be a rampage in favor of humanities in the television age. Marc throws witty and scathing darts in many directions).

Mark A. Noll. The Scandal of the Evangelical Mind.

D.H. Lawrence. Women in Love.

Deitrich Bonhoeffer. Act and Being.

Timothy Ware. The Orthodox Church.

Marian Keyes. Sushi for Beginners. (note: Keyes is a funny and insightful, but not morally or intellectually uplifting. I am aware her books are not more edifying than prime time television, though they are more entertaining. My excuse is a 14 hour car ride on Saturday).

I also got a movie called "Free Radicals." I think it's in German.

Quote of the Day

"By 'freeing the text from history' the decons did a good job during the 1980s of turning the study of culture into a kind of mental aerobics session, where the furiousness of running in place is valued over getting anywhere."

(Marc, Bonfire of the Humanities, p. 5)

Therefore I will not restrain my mouth;

I will speak in the anguish of my spirit;
I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.
Am I the sea, or the sea monster, that you set a guard over me?
When I say, 'My bed will comfort me,
my couch will ease my complaint,'
then you scare me with dreams
and terrify me with visions,
so that I would choose strangling
and death rather than my bones.
I loathe my life; I would not live forever.
Leave me alone, for my days are a breath.
What is man, that you make so much of him,
and that you set your heart on him,
visit him every morning
and test him every moment?
How long will you not look away from me,
nor leave me alone till I swallow my spit?
If I sin, what do I do to you, you watcher of mankind?
Why have you made me your mark?
Why have I become a burden to you?
Why do you not pardon my trangression
and take away my iniquity?
For now I shall lie in the earth;
you will seek me, but I shall not be.

Job 7:11 - 21

Disclaimer: I'm not depressed or anything. I just like Job, OK?

More word nuances for your edification:

One of my mother's friends insists that there is a fine distinction between done and finished. It seems, however, that this distinction was merely part of an unsuccessful coup to make English more "genteel." Really, few enough people speak proper English as it is. Let's not be ultra-classist.

On my To-Do List:

• Read From Dawn to Decadence all the way through. I had read bits of it last summer, but it deserves to be read in its entirety, and there are so many good reading suggestions. I recommend the chapter on WWI, "The Great Illusion," pp. 683 - 712.
• Keep up with Emily's Blog, now that she back online.
• Use my Amazon points to buy Matthew brandy snifters for Christmas. 'Tis frivolous, I know, but 'tis what he wants. Next year we are donating our Christmas money to charity. Giving purchased gifts when everyone can buy what they want any time is, we have decided, silly.
• Hook an internship at a reference desk. Probably in Ann Arbor. Most are unpaid. I don't really like working for free.
• Study languages. Latin, probably. I feel undereducated because I am not fluent in a second language. Someday I should get a job in a Spanish country and re-learn the language.

A Quote:

"What women need is the right to military service. Give me a well-mounted regiment of women with sabres, opposed to a regiment of men with votes. We shall see who goes down before the other. This question must be solved by blood and iron, as was well said by Bismarck, whom I have reason to believe was a woman in disguise." ~ George Bernard Shaw

Invierno

I made Mom and Matthew come outside and build snowmen with me when I got home. Matthew had to make one so large it took a plank to roll his midsection on.



We had about six inches of snow yesterday on top of several old layers.
They were big, fluffy flakes--half an inch in diameter. Unlike Virginia, things just keep going despite the snow here. So I went to work, made my final poster presentation at school, and drove back to Toledo. That was a little nerve-wracking, I'll admit. I wanted to get home before it froze, and the temperature was hovering at 33 degrees.



As I speak, it's starting to snow again...

Eulogy

We got an email from my piano teacher in Puerto Rico that her Great Dane, Tux, died this week.

We used to babysit Tux when Betsy went to the States. We had to remove all knick knacks at least four feet off the ground to avoid his tail. He was large, timid, and docile. I always suspected he had a dry sense of humor. If we took him on a long walk and he got tired, he would just sit down and not move until we got the car. He liked going to the beach but he was afraid of the water. We once timed him pee for three minutes.

Last final turned in...

Finished!

One semester down, three to go.

The child has strep throat

...But I can get it now because I don't absolutely have to think for three weeks...

and then I might not get to go to Wisconsin

(which would be devastating, of course).

Blasphemy?

I went and saw the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe last night. That is not the subject of this post.

The subject of this post is one of those advertisements they flash up on the screen before the previews start. This one was for the local baptismatic megachurch. Its motto was:

Come Grow with God.

My uncharitable interpretation is that the baptismatics are denying the immutability of God. My charitable interpretation is that they do not understand English or Greek (Growing in the Lord/God/Christ is the apporpriate idiom). The fact that they did not use grow in its new and atrocious manifestation as a transitive verb does not redeem them from their doctrinal/grammatical unorthodoxy.

Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. But must we make them about the character of God? And put them on a cinema screen? Really.

Hace Frio

It was 5 degrees on my way to class this morning. I put on tights (which I do NOT like to wear because I can't find ones long enough for me) and jeans. The bus drivers were nice today and opened the doors for us. Sometimes the selfish blighters make us stand out in the cold until right before they are ready to leave. The earbud cord for my IPod seems to get stiff when it's cold outside. My imagination? Will the cold hurt the IPod? I am getting a down coat for Christmas because mother is convinced that I will freeze to death. I think I'm already well-insulated, but oh well. Today I was helping A. get out of the bath and I told him his skin was kind of dry. "How can my skin be dry if I just got out of the bath?" he asked, looking at me like I was a wack-job.

I was going to post a picture of long underwear, but it's all so lewd-looking...

Symptoms

One of the advantages of growing older is early detection of illness. When I come down with the flu, my symptoms are unmistakeable:

1) The proclivity and (even more strange) ability to take naps in the middle of the day.
2) An inability to consume anything besides toast.
3) The sudden intrusion of a fur lining in my mouth.
4) The sensation that steel rods have been forced up the back of my neck and into my head.
5) A burning desire to watch vapid movies, and Sound of Music in particular.